Rain
by SilentWolf76
Summary: When we're stressed, we sometimes say things we didn't mean to and hurt someone because sometimes, words hurt more than punches.


**A/N: Oh God, this is depressing. Well, you wouldn't expect any different from me, now would you? Pretty much all of my stories are angsty; this is just another one to add to my collection! And yes, human names are used.**

 **Oh, and warning: involves self-harm. Last chance to turn back…**

 **Some of you may think 'how can you involve self-harm in a story about South Korea'? If this is the case, then you probably don't know me yet. I somehow made** ** _Australia_** **all depressy in Silent Tears, and yes, I'm aware 'depressy' isn't a real word.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

* * *

Rain comes in many different ways. You can have all hell rained down upon you, or you can rain on someone's parade. You can have rain fall from the sky (whether it be a light drizzle or a stormy shower) or you can have inside your heart. The latter of which usually happens when you've been hurt badly.

This is the case with South Korea that day.

China was a very stressed out person that day. He had so much work, and so little time to get it done in. It didn't help that Korea kept pestering him – not to annoy him, though, he was just bored. Well, that was what he said, anyway.

"Aniiikiiii!" He whined, basically falling onto China's shoulder. "I'm booooredddd!" The older nation cringed at the lengthened sounds in his words.

"Please be quiet, I'm trying to concentrate." He commanded in as polite a tone as he could, considering his patience was wearing thin.

"Do you have any video games, da ze? Ahhhhh, I'm dyyyying of boooredom here!"

China knew he was going to explode if this carried on any longer. "Can't you pester Japan, Hong Kong or Taiwan? They're in their rooms, aru."

Korea shook his head. "No, Japan left to go for a walk or something, and Hong Kong left to go shopping for something."

The Chinese man gritted his teeth in frustration. _He just has an answer for everything, doesn't he?!_ He thought, before trying to keep his temper in check. "What about Taiwan? Or, why didn't you go with either of them?"

The dark-haired teen pouted. "Because I wanted to spend time with you, da ze! But…" Suddenly, an idea dawned on him. "Can't you put off the work for a few hours?"

It was in this moment that China snapped.

" _Just_ _shut up for once, Korea_!" He yelled, startling the other and causing him to jump away from the older nation. "I'm not going to 'put off my work' for _you_ , seeing as this is for my _country_! I'm older than you; what do you know about the importance of _work_?!" Korea opened his mouth to say something, but China wasn't done. He leapt out of his chair, facing the younger nation. " _You're_ bored? Guess what? So am _I,_ but I _have_ to finish this work! I'm already stressed enough as it is, and you're just making it _worse_ with your annoying pestering! No-one cares about your stupid boredom! You're just an irritating, stubborn, obnoxious, selfish _brat_!" The Chinaman glared at the floor, panting with his fists clenched by his sides.

And then the realisation of what he'd set dawned on him, and his eyes widened, and he gasped, body tensing as he quickly brought his gaze up to stare at Korea. The latter was staring at him in horror, shaking like a leaf and mouth agape. To make things worse, tears began to stream down his face.

That had cut deep. He'd gone _way_ too far, but he just couldn't stop himself. All of the stress had built up inside, until he suddenly exploded. This, China knew. However, he also knew that he couldn't take it back, no matter how much he wished to.

"K-Korea…" He trailed off. How could he even _begin_ to apologize? A simple 'I'm sorry' would never cut it. He'd made the teen _cry,_ for God's sake!

Said nation didn't reply; instead, he gave a choked sob, turned, and ran out the room, heading upstairs. "W-wait!" China immediately chased after him, but it was to no avail as the other was much faster and a door slamming shut was proof of this as he just cleared the stairs and entered the corridor upstairs.

 _Which room did he go in?!_ He thought as he quick-walked, and almost ended up sending Taiwan flying as she stepped out of her room, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Aniki?" She frowned at his furious expression – but it didn't seem like he was mad at someone else; no, he was mad at _himself_ for saying such awful things. He didn't respond, only frantically scanning the corridor. "Yao?" She shook his shoulder, and he stared at her with wide eyes.

"Mei, please tell me you know where Korea went." He almost begged, biting his lip.

"Uh…no, sorry. Why? What happened? I heard shouting, and then footsteps. What was all that about?" She asked, curiosity and concern etched onto her face.

"I…it's a long story. But I need to find him _now_." He walked around her, and she followed. They soon came upon the bathroom, where they could hear muffled sobs behind the door.

China opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a loud scream of many emotions and a loud, unmistakeable _crash_ of breaking glass.

* * *

~A few minutes prior (Korea's POV)~

I froze when Yao started yelling at me. I couldn't believe the things he was saying. Oh wait – I can. Because he merely confirmed my deepest fears – well, deepest fears about _me_. Naturally, I was afraid of a good few things – most people are.

And the _look_ on his face when he stared at me once he'd finished was one of pure horror. I could tell, at that moment, that he regretted what he'd said, but it was too late. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to get away.

I barely know where I'm going, except up. Am I running upstairs? The tears still cascade down my cheeks, but I don't want anyone to see me cry.

There was the sound of a door slamming shut behind me, and I vaguely register, through my blurry vision, that I'm in the bathroom. I swiftly turn to lock the door, before sliding down the nearest wall and resting my head on my knees as I bring them close to my chest.

Yao had a point, though. I am everything that my aniki had mentioned. His words rang with truth. No-one would have thought that I feared that those things were true – guess I proved them wrong.

Shakily, I get to my feet, and face the large mirror that hangs on the wall. My teary-eyed reflection stares back at me. Do I always cry? Or rather, am I always irritating when I cry, much like a little baby? Actually, why am I even crying in the first place? Do I not want to accept the truth? Do I not want to accept what my oldest brother thinks of me? No, it might not just be limited to Yao. _Everyone_ could think that way.

My right hand curls into a fist, and before I know it, it makes contact with the mirror; hitting my reflection's crying face. The glass shatters, some cutting into the skin on my arm, and some just falling to the floor. As I punch the mirror, I scream in anger, in despair, in fear…that was only a few emotions that I feel as my reflection shatters to pieces in front of me. As my _heart_ shatters to pieces in front of me.

"Yong Soo! Are you okay?" I hear the worrying voice of Mei from just outside the door. What is she worried for? I'm not hurt- oh. Right. I am – both physically and mentally. But there's a big difference between the two different pains. The mental one is excruciating, whereas the physical one…I can barely feel it. Not only that, but…it feels strangely comforting. Strangely relaxing.

"Please, open the door!" That is, without a doubt, Yao's voice. What does he want? Has he got more things to add to that list of things wrong with me? Ha, I doubt he barely got started before.

"Why?" I call back to him. "If you just want to add more things to that list, you can say it from there." I notice that my voice sounds oddly cheerful – almost maniacal. Ah, there's another thing to add. I wonder how long the list of faults will be when it's complete?

"Wh-what? I don't! Just, please open up! I need to talk to you!" Wow, he doesn't give up, does he?

I fall to my knees as I realise that I probably seem selfish right now. After all, I'm refusing to open the door. Or would it be classed as stubborn? Hmm…or both, perhaps? I'm definitely a brat, though – that goes without saying. After all, I resemble a sixteen-year-old. In the eyes of the older nations, I'm nothing more than a kid.

Sighing, I rub my eyes furiously, before swearing under my breath at the slight sting I feel from accidentally getting blood in my eye. And that was when I notice that my right arm seems to be almost fully red, and my own blood has soaked into the sleeve. However masochistic it may sound, the knowledge that my blood being spilled can be so pretty fascinates me. I mean sure, it hurts a bit, but it just…feels so relaxing.

"Yong Soo, _please_ let us in!" Mei cries. "We're worried about you! _I'm_ worried about you!"

They're worried about me? Hmm…should _I_ be worried about myself? After all, I am starting to sound kind of like a masochist. Is that bad?

I shrug at the thought, before looking at the broken glass. I should probably put it in a pile, so that no-one gets hurt. Wait- someone would only get hurt if I opened the door. But if I did…I'm scared of what Yao would say. And Mei. I just want to be alone – can't they see that?! I…I just need some alone time. But some things, you just can't have.

* * *

~Normal POV~

China sighed, guilt threatening to drown him. He'd caused all this. He'd hurt Korea. It was all his fault.

Taiwan glanced at him. "So…what exactly happened? I couldn't make out what exactly you were saying when you were yelling."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I-I was stressed, and he kept pestering me, and I just…snapped. I said a lot of horrible things that I really want to take back."

She opened her mouth to reply when a loud 'I'm home!' interrupted her.

"Mei, can you go see who that is?" Nodding, she headed downstairs, and was met with the sight of Hong Kong, carrying bags of what looked like firecrackers.

"Taiwan! Where is everyone?" He asked, frowning.

"Listen, something bad happened, and we're trying to deal with the situation now, but-"

"'Something bad happened'?! H-how bad are we talking here?"

"Well-"

"I'm home." Japan suddenly declared as he walked through the front door, effectively cutting the female nation off. He quickly read the atmosphere. "Hmm? Did something happen?"

"Like, something _really bad_ happened!" Hong Kong replied, before turning to the long-haired Taiwanese. "So, what was it?"

She quickly explained the situation, and they listened silently and attentively.

Meanwhile, China kept trying to get Korea to open the door.

"I didn't mean it!" He called, pressing his forehead to the door as he leant against it. He was concerned by the fact that the brunette teen had stopped responding to him. He could hear occasional sniffles and rustling about, but other than that, it was silent in the bathroom.

"I honestly didn't, aru! I'm really sorry, but I want to properly apologize to your face, so please! Open the door!" He wanted to cry. He wanted to yell and threaten Korea until he opened the door. But he did neither of these things.

"Look, none of the things I said were true. I was stressed, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You didn't deserve it – you were only bored. I went way too far, and I really hurt you. I know that. I messed up. Once I began, I couldn't stop, no matter how much I wanted to. But please…let me in. I can help."

There was no reply from the other side.

Sighing, the older nation closed his eyes, completely at a loss for what to do. He silently waited for Taiwan to return, which luckily only took a couple of minutes. He was surprised to see both Japan and Hong Kong behind her, instead of just one of them. Hadn't the front door only opened once? Or maybe he just didn't hear it the second time.

"Any better?" She asked as she placed a hand on his shoulder soothingly.

"No, he won't even say anything." China sighed and added in a quiet murmur, "I fear he may have hurt himself."

* * *

~Korea's POV~

I can hear every single word Yao says. I have half a mind to let him in, to let him help me. But the other half of my mind solidly refuses. Besides, I had an idea not long ago and I want to go through with it. It was simple, really. If I enjoyed the pain of accidentally hurting myself…why not purposely do it?

Of course, I've never done it before. I couldn't understand what people like about cutting. What they find so addictive. But…I'm kinda in their shoes now. And let me tell you, I understand now what they liked about it.

I pick up a shard of glass, and hold it tightly with my right hand. Should I do this? I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I just…need to feel better. What Yao said really shook me. What I'm about to do…is justified, right? It's okay to do it, isn't it?

Taking a deep breath, I slowly bring the object across my left forearm, watching with fascination as the blood quickly leaks to the surface and drips out of my arm. It actually tickles a bit as it travels down my arm. I can't fully supress a little giggle of delight. Ah, how good it felt! It was just so…so _relaxing_ , so _calming_ , as if eating when you're starving.

The thing is, my original plan was to do one cut for every word on the list – only the ones Yao had said, though. I still intend to stick to that, so I suppose the one I've just done is for the 'shut up for once' that aniki started with, which implies that I never shut up.

Hmm, what was next? Ah yes, when he told me that he 'wasn't going to put off his work for me'. I suppose that means I'm below his work. I bring the glass over my arm again, rejoicing in the nice sensation.

I keep doing this over and over, until I have a total of 10 cuts on my left arm. Huh. That was more than I originally thought he'd mentioned. I realise that I'm making a mess. Not only are there messy cuts on my right arm from the mirror, but there's also tiny little cuts on my fingers from where I piled all the broken shards of glass together. Obviously, there's the 10 ones on my left arm, and while I was doing them, I managed to cut my right palm fairly deep with the glass. When you put all that together, it creates quite a little puddle on the ground.

I'm glad I'm kneeling right now, because I feel incredibly dizzy and lightheaded. I lay down, facing the ceiling and giggle quietly, before I realise something. I need help. I need aniki. What I've just done…it isn't healthy. At all. But it's so comfy here on the ground…and the lock is all the way over there...my eyes slowly close, and I can feel sleep overwhelming me-

No. I can't fall asleep. I need Yao. I need to get up, unlock the door, and let him help me.

Nah, I don't need Yao. Why get up, when it's so comfortable here? He shouldn't help me. I don't need help.

I desperately need him. But I seem to lack the energy to move. My body won't get up, won't obey my command. Oh God, what if I die?

Don't be ridiculous. I don't need him at all. Having no energy is a good thing. My body disobeying me is a sign that I shouldn't get up. There's no way I'm going to die. I'll just have a nice, blissful sleep-

-and never wake up.

I gasp, and shoot up into a sitting position, shaking. What's happening to me? Why is there some sort of… _voice_ telling me the opposite of what I'm telling myself?

Unsteadily, I struggle to my feet, staggering like a drunk man over to the men, where I lean for support until the world stops spinning. My breathing sounds heavy, but distant at the same time. I shake my head to try and clear the black dots slowly eating away at the edges of my vision. Big mistake. I nearly fall over from the wave of dizziness which assaults me.

Despite this, I walk closer to the door, using the wall as support.

"A-aniki…" I call out, cursing how weak my voice sounds.

"Y-Yong Soo? What is it?" He quickly replies. Gosh, that was fast. Is he right outside the door?

"U-unlock door…only y-you…" I'm just so tired. My exhaustion is clear in my voice. Yao picked up on it too.

"Just me? Okay; hang on." I can hear hurried whispers, and the sound of footsteps receding. "It's just me now, alright? You can open the door."

I nod even though he can't see it, and reach for the lock. It requires a little bit of strength to actually unlock it – strength that I don't exactly _have_ right now, but I manage to pull it off somehow. However, this made me panic a bit as I felt like I was going to pass out any second, so I stumble backwards in an effort to try and sit down and stay awake. Unfortunately, I trip over my own feet and fall onto my back, where I can barely feel my body. It's a strangely calm numbness which takes over my body, and I feel relaxed somehow, even though I'm bleeding and dizzy, lying on my back with an out-of-it expression on my face.

* * *

~Normal POV~

That is the sight China first sees when he opens the door and rushes in.

He was concerned as soon as he heard the tired, weak voice finally relenting and allowing him entry. But Korea didn't want anyone else there, which he found odd yet understandable. After all, this was between the two of them and he might be overwhelmed by having four people there instead of just one.

So, when he heard the _click_ of the door unlocking and the _thud_ , he almost threw the door off its hinges in the process of getting to his younger brother. As soon as his eyes fell upon the brunette, lying on the floor with blood covering and _surrounding_ his arms, as well as a pile of broken glass.

Barely stifling a gasp of horror, China leapt into action, grabbing two towels and applying each one to Korea's forearms. He was glad to see that the bleeding of the cuts on his right arm was beginning to stop, but the more recent looking ones on his left were freely oozing the red liquid.

The older nation realised that the Korean's eyes were drooping slightly, so he called, "Hey! Korea, don't you dare go to sleep, okay? Just stay awake; it'll be fine, just stay with me, yeah?"

"…I can't d-die anyway…'m a nation." China winced at the dull yet sad tone in his voice. But this was his fault. He…he'd _driven_ Korea to this, hadn't he? He'd said all those horrible things, and it was enough to make him…to make him _cut_. Tsk. Some brother _he_ was.

"Listen, I think the bleeding may be slowing down, so just hold on a little longer, okay?" He got no response, except the fact that Korea's eyelids were slowly covering his eyes, down, down, down…

…until his eyes were closed and his body went limp.

"Yong Soo? Hey, can you hear me?" Trembling, the Chinaman gently shook his younger brother's shoulder with the hand that was staunching the blood flow of his right arm. "C'mon, this isn't funny. Open your eyes!" But it was no use. The teen had passed out.

He cursed loudly, which attracted the attention of Japan, who quick-walked into the bathroom.

"Kiku!" China was inwardly relieved that help had arrived, answering his unspoken plea. "He-he passed out! I need your help, aru."

Nodding, the Japanese man knelt beside the pair, and checked Korea' pulse on his right wrist. "It's weak," he noted, "but he's strong. I'm sure he'll be fine after a few hours or so." He turned to his older brother. "Has the b-bleeding stopped?" His voice wavered slightly halfway through; simply because the reality of the situation was horrifying.

"Uh…on the right arm. His hands are fine except for the gash on his right one, but his left arm…" China trailed off, but Japan understood what he was trying to say.

"We'll have to stay here until the bleeding stops completely, lest it stain his bed. I don't think it'll last for much longer, though." After that, he fell silent.

 _I can't believe he did this to himself,_ the older nation thought as he glanced at the teen's face. It was peaceful and relaxed, which only worried him more. _I drove him to this._ That thought alone scared him and made him feel guiltier than ever.

* * *

Blearily, Korea opened his eyes, wondering what happened and why he felt so weak. Of course, it only took a few moments for everything to return to him, and he nearly leapt out of his skin when he saw China sat next to him, looking exhausted and kept closing his eyes, as if nodding off.

 _Where am I?_ He thought, before noticing a quilt over him, and he instantly knew that he was in his bed, in his room.

Groaning audibly, he lifted an arm, only to hiss in pain as the cuts rubbed against a bandage that covered his entire forearm and even covered his hand and fingers. It was the same on his other arm, except his right hand was more heavily bandaged than the left.

"K-Korea! You're awake at last! Thank God," China sighed, alert and awake. He didn't give the teen a chance to speak as he leapt forward, embracing him although being mindful of his arms. The brunette was surprised to find that his older brother was crying. He was even more surprised to find that _he_ was crying himself.

"A-aniki-"

"I was so scared!" The Chinaman mumbled in the Korean's ear. "Sure, you wouldn't have died, but you could've slipped into a coma if there were enough cuts and enough blood loss! If-if that had happened, I-I don't know what I would have done…"

Korea opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off as China broke the hug and locked eyes with him.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again!"

"But everything you said-"

"-was a lie! _None_ of it is true!"

The teen looked down. "I always feared that those things about myself were true, and you confirmed my fears."

"No! The things I said aren't true! You're none of those things!" China was more than concerned now. _How long has he thought this way about himself?!_

"Oh? I never shut up."

"Wh-what?"

"You said 'shut up for once', which implies that I never shut up."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with being very sociable! Besides, you do shut up; and I don't like it when you're silent. I prefer you chatty, even if half the things you say are crazy."

"I'm below your work."

"I only said that because I was stressed and I kinda exploded and took it all out on you when I shouldn't have. I've 'put off my work' as you put it for the past few hours. It doesn't matter anymore. Family comes before work."

"I'm stupid 'cause I don't know the 'importance of work'."

"No, that doesn't mean you're stupid; besides, you know as much as I do the importance of work. I had no control over my words then. You're a very smart person, Yong Soo."

"I make you more stressed with my pestering."

China took a moment to try and word his answer properly. "We all pester people. Whether it be for the wrong reasons, or the right reasons. You only wanted to relieve your boredom. I shouldn't have said 'pestering'. You were merely asking questions."

"No-one cares about my stupid boredom."

"Okay first; boredom isn't stupid. Sometimes it's inevitable. Unavoidable. And it can get on our nerves. And second; of course someone cares about your boredom. That's why people propose that the bored person does this or that – they try to _help_ them. If they didn't care, then they'd ignore them. I was trying to help you by suggesting Japan, Hong Kong or Taiwan."

"I'm irritating."

"Well, when you 'claim my breasts' – which are non-existent, that does kinda annoy me, but that's only one thing. You're a good person, and I'm glad you're my brother."

Korea's breath hitched at the last statement, but he carried on. "I'm stubborn."

China scoffed. "Trust me; I know a probably _more_ stubborn person than you. I know a few, actually. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with being stubborn. It's called putting your foot down. If you weren't stubborn at all, then people would probably take advantage of you a lot."

"I'm obnoxious."

"Obnoxious people often annoy the hell outta you, aru. You _don't_ annoy the hell outta me. Not to mention, some people don't even realise they're obnoxious. I presume you seem to think that you were for a while?"

The dark brunette nodded in response to his question. "I'm selfish."

"In what way? People who are selfish often only take and never give, and always want things to go their way. You've made a lot of sacrifices over the years; you've also given a lot. You're not selfish; you're self _less_."

"…I'm a brat."

"What does that mean again? Some sort of immature little kid or something? Well, sometimes we all have to loosen up and be a bit immature, but you're not immature 24/7 or anything. And you are _not_ little anymore. In actual fact – I can't believe I'm saying this – you're taller than me. Lastly, you may resemble a sixteen-year-old, but you're not classed as a 'kid' – not in my books, at least. Appearances aren't everything. Some adults have childlike faces. You've been through so much already, and you've proven many times over that you are _not_ a kid anymore. You're definitely not a brat."

"A-aniki…"

"Yes?" China was shocked when Korea sat up and hugged him, burying his face into the crook of his neck. The older nations smiled and brought his arms up to wrap around the Korean. "Yong Soo, know that as long as I'm still alive, I'll protect you from as much harm as possible. Obviously, I can't protect your country; but that doesn't mean I can't protect _you_ as an individual. Even if that means protecting you from yourself, I'll do it if it means that you can still smile."

* * *

Korea soon recovered, both physically and mentally, with the help of not only China, but Japan, Taiwan and Hong Kong too. They had been so worried about him. Like a light chased away darkness, they chased away his negative thoughts about himself.

And he never cut after that, because he no longer had a reason to.

Even though it rained in his heart and threatened to drown him, he had his family to shelter him like an umbrella until the rain stopped and the sun shone again in his heart.

* * *

 **A/N: Wow. I can be depressing when I want to be. Sorry about tha** **t *nervous laugh***

 **Gosh, this is so long! Oh, and I'd love to know if I made you cry or not, so don't forget to drop a comment~**


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